Strong Postive Attitude
A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Strong Postive Attitude
Strong Postive Attitude
A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.
Perseverance
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another... Walter Elliott
Thursday, April 1, 2010
There is Life After Divorce
There is Life After Divorce
by Fran Watson
A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not.
When a woman loses her husband to death the neighbours all rally round and provide meals and any help they can give with regard to household repairs or cleaning or anything that is needed. They are willing to provide comfort and a shoulder to cry on. They are available for the widow and they include her in their activities, feeling sorry for her that she is now so alone.
However, things are quite different when a marriage ends due to infidelity or marital breakdown. That immediately plunges a woman into a new category. She is transformed, instantaneously it seems,from a married woman to a divorcee. Becoming one of many, part of a group of used and discarded women, seen as suspect by all those who are still safely ensconced in the womb of their marriage.
People tend to withdraw from her. Invitations to get togethers cease. It appears that women think their husbands might be attracted to the idea of an “available woman” and so the women who used to be friends withdraw and leave her alone with her tears and her fears. There are no meals prepared and no offers of help. Husbands are kept at home just in case, for such is the image portrayed of a divorcee. The husbands might not be safe. She might cause the destruction of other marriages.
We read jokes all the time about the lonely divorcee who invites the mailman, the milkman, or the Maytag repairman into her home with the intent of seducing him. (A joke made up, I am sure, by a man who has never known the humiliation and pain of being a divorcee.) Perhaps she even seduces them one right after the other, for such is the life of the “gay divorcee”, isn’t it? Freed from the bonds of marriage, with unmet needs and desires, divorcees are wanting to fill the void; or at least that is the popular image. And so in place of invitations to parties or neighbourhood barbeques which were formerly were issued to the couple and their family, there is an empty mailbox, and the phone stays quiet. She checks it every now and then to make sure it is still working.
The divorcee begins to feel as though she no longer exists; as if, because she is no longer half of a relationship, she ceases to be a part of the neighbourhood. Women who used to call her friend no longer call. Her children are not invited to play with the neighbours’ children. Perhaps the women feel they would be contaminated by the disease of divorce, as if it were a virus that could be caught, or maybe they just don’t know how to talk to a newly divorced woman. A divorced man, on the other hand, is often seen as more eligible and is a welcome addition to many parties. His social life may increase, and because he usually does not have the children, his disposable income is often enough to keep him comfortably.
However, life goes on. The bills still have to be paid, the kids still have to be fed and they have to be clothed. Family chores that were done by two are now done by one. If the children are old enough, they can chip in and help with the household duties such as dishes and meal preparation and housecleaning. Because of the reduction in income, the divorcee is often forced to seek employment and then she has two jobs; one inside and one outside the home.
Sometimes the inside life doesn’t change much. For those who had husbands who simply went to work and came home at night expecting to be waited on, their workload is reduced by one person, so this can be a blessing. But the availability of a backup when she is really tired and the kids are really obnoxious is a problem. She has to deal with all the problems, tired or not.
Because she has been ostracized by her neighbours she seeks out other divorcees for companionship, often building relationships and forming deep bonds that last for years as they share the day to day problems and achievements. They get together with their kids and pool their resources for family dinners. They support each other in job searches, in the handling of problems, in the fights with their exes. They listen to each other and care for each other’s children.
Sometimes, because of the great reduction in income, divorcees are forced to apply for an allowance from the provincial government. This is known as welfare or Mother’s Allowance. There they are told that they have no right to have a phone or a car, or any of the things they consider necessities but the government considers luxuries, such as a heating bill over the allotted amount. Widows, on the other hand, usually receive a pension from their husband’s estate which they can spend however they want, with no rules. The divorcees are told to sell the car and get rid of the phone, even if they are out in the country. If they have a house, they might have to give it up and move the children to a new area. Sometimes, in order to survive, they may use credit cards to buy the things they feel they need for their kids for school and other activities. They may not be able to send their kids on school trips or buy the clothes that the kids need to fit in and so their kids may be ridiculed because of the way they dress. When the kids come home crying, they often feel guilty and wonder if they couldn’t have worked things out better with their ex-husbands. They cry but try to hide the tears from their children, not wanting to upset them.
When the divorcee ventures into the realms of the full-time employee instead of part-time, she must find a babysitter for her kids, arrange everyone’s schedule and settle into her new lifestyle. She tries to find a boss who is willing to let her attend the various special events at her children’s school and cries silently to herself when she is unable to attend a day graduation due to work, or when she is unable to see her children receive sports awards, but she knows that she is doing the best she can. She attends what she can in the evenings and on weekends and hopes it is enough.
As the divorcee settles into life on her own, she may begin to find advantages such as being able to go where she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants. She has only to consider herself, and her kids, if she has any. Eventually the heartaches will ease a little and the divorcee will reach out to others a little more, perhaps even being willing to take the risk of dating another man.
Her circumstances may not have changed a lot. She still struggles to pay bills, to provide for her kids, yet she finds her life is full. Not the rumoured life of the gay divorcee, replete with men or with parties and wild living, but one of love for her kids, and perhaps of studying for a degree while working in a fulfilling career where helping others. She has weathered the storms of life and feels that she has come out on top. Her children move on to their own homes and to employment. Perhaps her eldest has his dream job, that of webmaster and service technician. Another may become the youngest Inventory Control Manager and the only female one in Eastern Ontario for a large soft drink company. Another, with a child of her own, may work part-time and plan to return to school to take an Esthetics course. Her children could be very involved in hockey, perhaps playing at the AA level or Junior A level which requires a lot of travelling and sacrifice of personal time. But to her it is all worth it to watch her child score the winning goal and to see the smile on his face as he turns from the net. Her heart swells with pride as his teammates congratulate him and the parents lean over to say how well he played.
Yes, life continues after divorce, the pain and heartache suffered in the beginning eventually fade somewhat and the divorcee finds the strength to survive and, more than that, to move on to whatever the future has in store.
For more poetry and stories you can go to Fran's webpage http://www.franwatson.ca
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Fran_Watson
by Fran Watson
A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not.
When a woman loses her husband to death the neighbours all rally round and provide meals and any help they can give with regard to household repairs or cleaning or anything that is needed. They are willing to provide comfort and a shoulder to cry on. They are available for the widow and they include her in their activities, feeling sorry for her that she is now so alone.
However, things are quite different when a marriage ends due to infidelity or marital breakdown. That immediately plunges a woman into a new category. She is transformed, instantaneously it seems,from a married woman to a divorcee. Becoming one of many, part of a group of used and discarded women, seen as suspect by all those who are still safely ensconced in the womb of their marriage.
People tend to withdraw from her. Invitations to get togethers cease. It appears that women think their husbands might be attracted to the idea of an “available woman” and so the women who used to be friends withdraw and leave her alone with her tears and her fears. There are no meals prepared and no offers of help. Husbands are kept at home just in case, for such is the image portrayed of a divorcee. The husbands might not be safe. She might cause the destruction of other marriages.
We read jokes all the time about the lonely divorcee who invites the mailman, the milkman, or the Maytag repairman into her home with the intent of seducing him. (A joke made up, I am sure, by a man who has never known the humiliation and pain of being a divorcee.) Perhaps she even seduces them one right after the other, for such is the life of the “gay divorcee”, isn’t it? Freed from the bonds of marriage, with unmet needs and desires, divorcees are wanting to fill the void; or at least that is the popular image. And so in place of invitations to parties or neighbourhood barbeques which were formerly were issued to the couple and their family, there is an empty mailbox, and the phone stays quiet. She checks it every now and then to make sure it is still working.
The divorcee begins to feel as though she no longer exists; as if, because she is no longer half of a relationship, she ceases to be a part of the neighbourhood. Women who used to call her friend no longer call. Her children are not invited to play with the neighbours’ children. Perhaps the women feel they would be contaminated by the disease of divorce, as if it were a virus that could be caught, or maybe they just don’t know how to talk to a newly divorced woman. A divorced man, on the other hand, is often seen as more eligible and is a welcome addition to many parties. His social life may increase, and because he usually does not have the children, his disposable income is often enough to keep him comfortably.
However, life goes on. The bills still have to be paid, the kids still have to be fed and they have to be clothed. Family chores that were done by two are now done by one. If the children are old enough, they can chip in and help with the household duties such as dishes and meal preparation and housecleaning. Because of the reduction in income, the divorcee is often forced to seek employment and then she has two jobs; one inside and one outside the home.
Sometimes the inside life doesn’t change much. For those who had husbands who simply went to work and came home at night expecting to be waited on, their workload is reduced by one person, so this can be a blessing. But the availability of a backup when she is really tired and the kids are really obnoxious is a problem. She has to deal with all the problems, tired or not.
Because she has been ostracized by her neighbours she seeks out other divorcees for companionship, often building relationships and forming deep bonds that last for years as they share the day to day problems and achievements. They get together with their kids and pool their resources for family dinners. They support each other in job searches, in the handling of problems, in the fights with their exes. They listen to each other and care for each other’s children.
Sometimes, because of the great reduction in income, divorcees are forced to apply for an allowance from the provincial government. This is known as welfare or Mother’s Allowance. There they are told that they have no right to have a phone or a car, or any of the things they consider necessities but the government considers luxuries, such as a heating bill over the allotted amount. Widows, on the other hand, usually receive a pension from their husband’s estate which they can spend however they want, with no rules. The divorcees are told to sell the car and get rid of the phone, even if they are out in the country. If they have a house, they might have to give it up and move the children to a new area. Sometimes, in order to survive, they may use credit cards to buy the things they feel they need for their kids for school and other activities. They may not be able to send their kids on school trips or buy the clothes that the kids need to fit in and so their kids may be ridiculed because of the way they dress. When the kids come home crying, they often feel guilty and wonder if they couldn’t have worked things out better with their ex-husbands. They cry but try to hide the tears from their children, not wanting to upset them.
When the divorcee ventures into the realms of the full-time employee instead of part-time, she must find a babysitter for her kids, arrange everyone’s schedule and settle into her new lifestyle. She tries to find a boss who is willing to let her attend the various special events at her children’s school and cries silently to herself when she is unable to attend a day graduation due to work, or when she is unable to see her children receive sports awards, but she knows that she is doing the best she can. She attends what she can in the evenings and on weekends and hopes it is enough.
As the divorcee settles into life on her own, she may begin to find advantages such as being able to go where she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants. She has only to consider herself, and her kids, if she has any. Eventually the heartaches will ease a little and the divorcee will reach out to others a little more, perhaps even being willing to take the risk of dating another man.
Her circumstances may not have changed a lot. She still struggles to pay bills, to provide for her kids, yet she finds her life is full. Not the rumoured life of the gay divorcee, replete with men or with parties and wild living, but one of love for her kids, and perhaps of studying for a degree while working in a fulfilling career where helping others. She has weathered the storms of life and feels that she has come out on top. Her children move on to their own homes and to employment. Perhaps her eldest has his dream job, that of webmaster and service technician. Another may become the youngest Inventory Control Manager and the only female one in Eastern Ontario for a large soft drink company. Another, with a child of her own, may work part-time and plan to return to school to take an Esthetics course. Her children could be very involved in hockey, perhaps playing at the AA level or Junior A level which requires a lot of travelling and sacrifice of personal time. But to her it is all worth it to watch her child score the winning goal and to see the smile on his face as he turns from the net. Her heart swells with pride as his teammates congratulate him and the parents lean over to say how well he played.
Yes, life continues after divorce, the pain and heartache suffered in the beginning eventually fade somewhat and the divorcee finds the strength to survive and, more than that, to move on to whatever the future has in store.
For more poetry and stories you can go to Fran's webpage http://www.franwatson.ca
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Fran_Watson
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Does Legal Separation Always End in Divorce?
Legal Separation is a legal procedure that allows married couples to spend time apart for a variety of reasons as two separate or single people while retaining the legal status of their marriage.
We will first look at some of the advantages of separating over divorce or even annulment. Legal separation is to get a district court order (in the USA) stating the responsibilities both partners have towards each other and the rights they are entitled to enjoy as they live apart. This order is initiated though a petition to the court and the notice is served on the other partner. The court that issues the order has in its power, to solve all the normal problems that are settled in divorce court. So in effect, a situation is created where the two can remain as if divorced, while maintaining their marriage in the legal books.
The first advantage is that since they are still married, one spouse will be covered by the insurance of the other. They will also enjoy social security and pension and such benefits available that are the privilege of married couples. Secondly, though marriage seemed to have lost the sanctity that it had say 50 years ago and divorce rates are much, much higher, followers of certain sects of faith still avoid divorce. However, rather than stay in the confines of what would probably be a difficult situation they can use a legal separation.
In the event of some irrevocable rift in the relationship, couples sometimes seek to divorce quickly. However, the laws of certain states in the USA and the laws of some countries require that the couple be separated from each other for sometime, before they go about unraveling their marriage legally. For couples that are in a hurry to extract themselves from each other, legal separation allows a much quicker alternative. Also couples can use it as a trial, or as an opportunity to spend sometime away from each other and take look at their lives. During this period of trial, the court allows the separation of property and even childcare is allocated to each parents. The drawback some parties find with the legal separation is that, many judges will award the final settlements in divorce cases, based on what was agreed at the time of parting. This probably will be a good point form the wealthier partners view as he or she can get an idea of how much the divorce will cost. However, should you find someone else you wish to enter into marriage with, you would have to pay visit to the divorce courts, as you are still legal married.
On the positive side, legal separation has resulted in people actually saving their marriages, as the time apart had allowed them to look objectively at the situation, work out how to improve their relationship and probably in some cases when one partner thought staying married might be less costly, though it may be cynical to say so.
It could be said that legal separation do not always end in divorce, however not all partners that do not end up divorced are reconciled either.
Christine Crotts enjoys listening to her music or the local talk shows while working in the kitchen. Christine has written a site containing reviews on table radios, as well as the Bose radios.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Crotts
We will first look at some of the advantages of separating over divorce or even annulment. Legal separation is to get a district court order (in the USA) stating the responsibilities both partners have towards each other and the rights they are entitled to enjoy as they live apart. This order is initiated though a petition to the court and the notice is served on the other partner. The court that issues the order has in its power, to solve all the normal problems that are settled in divorce court. So in effect, a situation is created where the two can remain as if divorced, while maintaining their marriage in the legal books.
The first advantage is that since they are still married, one spouse will be covered by the insurance of the other. They will also enjoy social security and pension and such benefits available that are the privilege of married couples. Secondly, though marriage seemed to have lost the sanctity that it had say 50 years ago and divorce rates are much, much higher, followers of certain sects of faith still avoid divorce. However, rather than stay in the confines of what would probably be a difficult situation they can use a legal separation.
In the event of some irrevocable rift in the relationship, couples sometimes seek to divorce quickly. However, the laws of certain states in the USA and the laws of some countries require that the couple be separated from each other for sometime, before they go about unraveling their marriage legally. For couples that are in a hurry to extract themselves from each other, legal separation allows a much quicker alternative. Also couples can use it as a trial, or as an opportunity to spend sometime away from each other and take look at their lives. During this period of trial, the court allows the separation of property and even childcare is allocated to each parents. The drawback some parties find with the legal separation is that, many judges will award the final settlements in divorce cases, based on what was agreed at the time of parting. This probably will be a good point form the wealthier partners view as he or she can get an idea of how much the divorce will cost. However, should you find someone else you wish to enter into marriage with, you would have to pay visit to the divorce courts, as you are still legal married.
On the positive side, legal separation has resulted in people actually saving their marriages, as the time apart had allowed them to look objectively at the situation, work out how to improve their relationship and probably in some cases when one partner thought staying married might be less costly, though it may be cynical to say so.
It could be said that legal separation do not always end in divorce, however not all partners that do not end up divorced are reconciled either.
Christine Crotts enjoys listening to her music or the local talk shows while working in the kitchen. Christine has written a site containing reviews on table radios, as well as the Bose radios.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Crotts
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Understanding Spousal Support
Spousal Support or alimony as it is known in some parts, is a periodic payment, usually monthly, that was either agreed to by the two individuals or determined by the divorce court and paid by one party, the 'Payor' to the other, the 'Recipient'. Normally the wealthier party is expected to pay this and traditionally it has been the 'husband' making monthly payments to the 'wife'.
The origin of spousal support can be traced back at least to the 17th century in England. In those days when a husband acquired the wife's property on marriage, alimony ensured that the woman had an income in the event of divorce. The awarding of monthly financial support ensured that a wife was not punished or made to suffer through the actions of husband that led to the break up of the marriage. This was to ensure that a husband who could afford to pay and maintain the wife, would not go out and commit an act to instigate a divorce, just so the he could avoid supporting the wife. However with the legal proceedings no longer been biased in gender, even males now receive spousal support.
Spousal support is separate form child support and only includes the money for the ex spouse. It aims to ensure that the recipient continues to partake of the Payor's wealth or earning capacity accumulated during the period of marriage. There are several considerations taken into account when alimony is calculated. These may change according to the place where the divorce proceedings were initiated. The length of marriage is a very important aspect and some counties limit the payment to a time period that is less than that of the marriage. Also the gender and the age at the time of separation are considered with women and older recipients getting a better alimony settlement from the courts. An important consideration is approximating the fault that led to the separation. In the event of the blame lying with the intended recipient, courts can refrain from awarding spousal support.
Spousal support awarded through courts can either be 'Rehabilitation support' where the money will fund either an opportunity to obtain professional skills or academic qualifications. Reorientation support is awarded when spouse can show that the property division does not meet with his or her requirements.
It may be of interest to some that there is instigation to get the laws regarding spousal support to reflect the times and get more up to date and in some parts there have been recent changes to the law. Courts try to ensure that the former spouse is able to live in a life style that was similar to what they experienced as a married person. At the same time now share the view that an adult is expected to be able to look after his or her own needs. The idea is to make the laws more clear and that couples can be aware of what they need to pay and are entitled to without a lengthy court case, that are built up on complex legal points.
Christine Crotts likes to play spy games with her young sons. This involves sneaking around, trying to catch the others without being seen. Christine has written a site containing reviews on walkie talkie radio, as well as the waterproof walkie talkie.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Crotts
The origin of spousal support can be traced back at least to the 17th century in England. In those days when a husband acquired the wife's property on marriage, alimony ensured that the woman had an income in the event of divorce. The awarding of monthly financial support ensured that a wife was not punished or made to suffer through the actions of husband that led to the break up of the marriage. This was to ensure that a husband who could afford to pay and maintain the wife, would not go out and commit an act to instigate a divorce, just so the he could avoid supporting the wife. However with the legal proceedings no longer been biased in gender, even males now receive spousal support.
Spousal support is separate form child support and only includes the money for the ex spouse. It aims to ensure that the recipient continues to partake of the Payor's wealth or earning capacity accumulated during the period of marriage. There are several considerations taken into account when alimony is calculated. These may change according to the place where the divorce proceedings were initiated. The length of marriage is a very important aspect and some counties limit the payment to a time period that is less than that of the marriage. Also the gender and the age at the time of separation are considered with women and older recipients getting a better alimony settlement from the courts. An important consideration is approximating the fault that led to the separation. In the event of the blame lying with the intended recipient, courts can refrain from awarding spousal support.
Spousal support awarded through courts can either be 'Rehabilitation support' where the money will fund either an opportunity to obtain professional skills or academic qualifications. Reorientation support is awarded when spouse can show that the property division does not meet with his or her requirements.
It may be of interest to some that there is instigation to get the laws regarding spousal support to reflect the times and get more up to date and in some parts there have been recent changes to the law. Courts try to ensure that the former spouse is able to live in a life style that was similar to what they experienced as a married person. At the same time now share the view that an adult is expected to be able to look after his or her own needs. The idea is to make the laws more clear and that couples can be aware of what they need to pay and are entitled to without a lengthy court case, that are built up on complex legal points.
Christine Crotts likes to play spy games with her young sons. This involves sneaking around, trying to catch the others without being seen. Christine has written a site containing reviews on walkie talkie radio, as well as the waterproof walkie talkie.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Crotts
Monday, February 8, 2010
Successful Woman
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
Lana Turner
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Hello God
The holidays can be stressful in their own way. Add in a divorce, recession, separation, single parents, depression, homeless, and other medical conditions. We sit some days and worry where will the next meal come from or how can I pay for my electric bill. Many single moms worry about Christmas and making the time just a little bit brighter for their children.I came across this prayer today thought many women could use a little talk with the man upstairs.Enjoy, keep those special people in your heart while you pray along with them.
"Hello God, I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep,
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they've bound.
Give me the faith, dear God to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way,
I thank you God, for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I Stumble and fall.
Your number, God is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
And never pay a dime.
So thank you, God for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good Night, God I love you, too.
And I'll call again tomorrow!"
Unknown author.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Jigsaw Puzzle
Are you a jigsaw aficionado?
If you have worked complicated jigsaw puzzles,you know three things them:
First, They take time. Few people can put several hundred pieces of a puzzle together rapidly. Most large and complex puzzles take several days,even weeks, to complete. The fun is in the process, the satisfaction in the accomplishment.
Second, the staring point of a puzzle is usually to identify the corners and edges, the pieces with a straight edge.
Third, jigsaw puzzles are fun to work by oneself, but even more fun to work with others. When a "fit" is discovered between two or more pieces, the excitement is felt by all the participants.
Consider the day ahead of you like a piece in the jigsaw puzzle of your life. Indeed, its shape is likely to be just as jagged, its colors just as unidentifiable. The meaning of today may not be sequential to that of yesterday. What you experience today may actually fit with something you experienced several months ago, or something you experienced several months ago, or something you will experience in the future. You aren't likely to see the big picture of your life by observing only one day. Even so, you can trust that there is a plan and purpose. All the pieces will come together according to God's design and timetable.
On some days, we find straight-edged pieces of our life's puzzle-truths that become a part of our reason for being. On other days, we find pieces that fit together so we understand more about ourselves and about God's work in our lives, with others and inviting them to be part of the process of discovering who er are.
The main thing to remember is to enjoy the process. Live today to the fullest, knowing one day you'll see the full picture.
Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be.- Grandma Moses
If you have worked complicated jigsaw puzzles,you know three things them:
First, They take time. Few people can put several hundred pieces of a puzzle together rapidly. Most large and complex puzzles take several days,even weeks, to complete. The fun is in the process, the satisfaction in the accomplishment.
Second, the staring point of a puzzle is usually to identify the corners and edges, the pieces with a straight edge.
Third, jigsaw puzzles are fun to work by oneself, but even more fun to work with others. When a "fit" is discovered between two or more pieces, the excitement is felt by all the participants.
Consider the day ahead of you like a piece in the jigsaw puzzle of your life. Indeed, its shape is likely to be just as jagged, its colors just as unidentifiable. The meaning of today may not be sequential to that of yesterday. What you experience today may actually fit with something you experienced several months ago, or something you experienced several months ago, or something you will experience in the future. You aren't likely to see the big picture of your life by observing only one day. Even so, you can trust that there is a plan and purpose. All the pieces will come together according to God's design and timetable.
On some days, we find straight-edged pieces of our life's puzzle-truths that become a part of our reason for being. On other days, we find pieces that fit together so we understand more about ourselves and about God's work in our lives, with others and inviting them to be part of the process of discovering who er are.
The main thing to remember is to enjoy the process. Live today to the fullest, knowing one day you'll see the full picture.
Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be.- Grandma Moses
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Holidays, No Time for A Self Pity Party
Ladies. the holidays are approaching fast. This time of year can be stressful. It is easy to fall into a ruit and have a self pity party. Please, please have plans. Do not sit at home all day and all alone. Due to divorce this may be the year your children are with your former spouse. So grad yourself by the boot straps and make plans. There are many things you can do to raise your self esteem and self worth.
Here are few ideas or things to do this holiday season.
1. Attend a local food self or kitchens and help serve meals to the homeless etc.
2. Call your best friend and ask if she needs help with her dinner. Being around friends is great and you can never have enough positive people in your life.
3.If you have family close by go to their house. Think of the dollars you would have spent to have a meal at your home and use that for gas money to see your family.
4.Attend a movie. There are so many new movies out and when you attend an afternoon showing is much cheaper than evenings.
5. See what your local church has planned and attend or help with their functions.
As you can see there are many things you can do this holiday season. For myself this year I am going to take the money I would have spent on a Thanksgiving meal and travel to Iowa to see family and friends. Then for Thanksgiving I have a friend who will travel with me and drive to Illinois to my fathers for the holiday weekend.
I feel very good that I took charge and made thiese plans so I am not just sitting around the house doing nothing. Being with friends many times around the holidays are the best medicine a doctor could order.
Enjoy yourself and enjoy your life.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Good God Girl What Are You Thinking
There are people who have good hearts. They are always looking to be helpful and do the right thing. Then there are the people who prey and take advantage of these good people. Many ex husbands do that with their ex wives or vice versa.
I soon learned this past week.. Our daughter just had her 3rd child. While the ex planned on attending and our daughter and older grand kids wanted him there as well. I was grandma taxi. I had to run and pick him up run him many places and my daughter these past few weeks. I had to run for him to work and picking him up for a ride home etc.
Don't get me wrong it was a christian thing to do. However, not once did he pay for gas.I learned last week he used my name and SS number to get Dish TV at his home. Tomorrow I will be meeting with him along with my attorney and his to discuss this item. He wants to have my spouse support reduced. Unreal!!
Here is a man I supported for over 30 years of marriage worked 2 full time jobs at times while he would work only 1 day or not per week.
When I got sick 2 years ago he decided I was of no value to him. The physical abuse and mental abuse increased to the highest level. He currently grosses close to 55K per year and I 20K on SSDI. His spouse support is 500.00 per month which makes my income 26K per year less than 50% of his.
He complains he is unable to live on his income due to the amount of spouse support he pays me. Then he goes and puts his utilities in my name or our daughters name without either of our permissions. Now, I have learned there is a difference between a person needs and wants. I have been very frugal. This is a man that smokes and drinks heavily in fact his is an alcoholic.
Basic math shows the amount he spends on cigarettes,vodka and soda more than covers my 500.00 per month. ( 1.5 pack per day @ $5.00 = $225.00 month. A huge 2 liter bottle of vodka per 1 to 1.5 days @ $17.00 per bottle = aprox $400.00+ per month. Then add in the soda needed to mix with the vodka 2+ liter bottle of Pepsi per day @ $1.50 = $45.00 per month. Totalling just these 3 items $225.00 Cigarettes + $400.00 Vodka + $45.00 Pepsi = $670.00+ per month. Which is more than enough to cover my spouse support.
He gets an annual pay increases from his federal contracted job. The next 2 years I will not receive any increases. The only increase will be in expenses. My medical insurance alone costs over $400.00 per month. He reminds me of a parent who refuses to pay child support for their children.
It tells you alot about a person. This person who took vows for better or worse sickness and health. Who enjoyed all the benefits for 30 years my income provided and supported him and our family. Now when the table is turned and my income went down 75% I was of no value to him. In fact he pointed this out verbally on many occasions that I was worthless to him.
I can say since the separation and divorce of 2 years I am much happier. People tell me all the time they can see it in my face and I am looking great. I must agree! I feel GREAT! There is physical pain each day due to my medical history, but that is small when looking at the emotional and physical pain I was living with while being married.
Looking back.... I say "Good God Girl What Are You Thinking". I knew I could not fix a broken marriage however I knew I could work and take care of myself. People would say how can you do it all? Then the ones closest to me would say they could see breakdown coming and so glad I woke up.
They would say:
"Good God Girl What Are You Thinking."
"Get Out"
"You Know What You Can Do About It."
"When You Are Ready I Will Still Be Your Friend"
Yes, it has taken 2 years to recover from the divorce to a abusive, alcoholic and unfaithful spouse with a hidden life style. While at the same time fighting breast cancer having a double mastectomy with reconstruction. Emotionally and physically I am a better person and I even love myself.
Each time I happen to be in the same room either at a family function etc. I chuckle inside I can see he is so negative and very good at malupation. Of course this is what an addicate does. Each time I get smarter and now being removed from all of it the air is much clearer.
There is not a day without physical muscle pain. Each day I look in the mirror I see the scars from when they cut into my body. But they never cut into my soul. Melissa Etheridge says it correctly "I Run For Life" The physical and mental scars are fading away. The darkness can be anything in your lives including divorce, death, breast cancer, and more.
Melissa Etheridge - I Run For Life:
Melissa Etheridge Lyrics I Run For Life
Lyrics Artist: Melissa Etheridge
Song: I Run For Life
Album: Greatest Hits The Road Less Traveled 2005
It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete
[Chorus:]
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life
It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning the lesson
To waken when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all
[Chorus]
And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Love.
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Love Is
“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
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