Reflections on my Wedding Day

Stepping Into Joy:

By Debbie Dickerson

Today would have been my 22^nd Wedding Anniversary; our divorce was finalized a few weeks after our 13^th anniversary. I find that when the calendar flips to this day each year I focus less on my divorce and reflect more on my hopes and dreams on my Wedding Day, so many years ago.
I had the wedding that all little girls dream about. My father is a minister and not only walked me down the aisle, but married me. Our wedding was held in the garden patio of a hotel in Laguna Beach, California. I can still remember standing and listening to the waves crashing in the background, quieting my nerves as my father read our wedding vows for us to recite. It was a memorable day that I cherish in my heart.
Like many young women, my hopes were that I would raise a family, excel in my career and be happy. I had a lot of ideas around what ‘happy’ would look like; mostly trapping of ‘keeping up with the Jones’ and living the ‘American Dream’.
As the years progressed, my career continued to excel and I did all the ‘happy’ things I dreamed about wonderful vacations, golfing, bought a house, learned how to sail and dined at upscale restaurants. In the later years of my marriage we had my beautiful daughter. Although I got what I wished for on my wedding day, I was empty, sad and lonely on the inside.
Once divorced, I had to rebuild my life which took perseverance, taking an honest look at myself and lots of boxes of Kleenex. A group of wonderful friends rallied around me. To them, I am forever grateful. It is through their example of living that I learned to rebuild my life.
Self-discovery is never an easy journey. Take it a day at a time, I was told. Through many tears I learned to peel the onion and get rid of the layers of bad behaviors and misconceptions about myself. At the core I discovered my talents, strengths and values of who I am today. I have learned to embrace and nurture my gifts and through my life have transformed beyond my wildest dream. I embrace life!
Today, I reflect back on my journey over the past 9 years and can honestly say “Today, I’m happy”. My happiness has nothing to do with what I do with my time; it has everything to do with the fact that I live in integrity and have learned to love myself.


http://www.steppingintojoy.com/reflections-on-my-wedding-day/

Good God Girl What Are You Thinking

There are people who have good hearts. They are always looking to be helpful and do the right thing. Then there are the people who prey and take advantage of these good people. Many ex husbands do that with their ex wives or vice versa.

I soon learned this past week.. Our daughter just had her 3rd child. While the ex planned on attending and our daughter and older grand kids wanted him there as well. I was grandma taxi. I had to run and pick him up run him many places and my daughter these past few weeks. I had to run for him to work and picking him up for a ride home etc.

Don't get me wrong it was a christian thing to do. However, not once did he pay for gas.I learned last week he used my name and SS number to get Dish TV at his home. Tomorrow I will be meeting with him along with my attorney and his to discuss this item. He wants to have my spouse support reduced. Unreal!!

Here is a man I supported for over 30 years of marriage worked 2 full time jobs at times while he would work only 1 day or not per week.

When I got sick 2 years ago he decided I was of no value to him. The physical abuse and mental abuse increased to the highest level. He currently grosses close to 55K per year and I 20K on SSDI. His spouse support is 500.00 per month which makes my income 26K per year less than 50% of his.

He complains he is unable to live on his income due to the amount of spouse support he pays me. Then he goes and puts his utilities in my name or our daughters name without either of our permissions. Now, I have learned there is a difference between a person needs and wants. I have been very frugal. This is a man that smokes and drinks heavily in fact his is an alcoholic.

Basic math shows the amount he spends on cigarettes,vodka and soda more than covers my 500.00 per month. ( 1.5 pack per day @ $5.00 = $225.00 month. A huge 2 liter bottle of vodka per 1 to 1.5 days @ $17.00 per bottle = aprox $400.00+ per month. Then add in the soda needed to mix with the vodka 2+ liter bottle of Pepsi per day @ $1.50 = $45.00 per month. Totalling just these 3 items $225.00 Cigarettes + $400.00 Vodka + $45.00 Pepsi = $670.00+ per month. Which is more than enough to cover my spouse support.

He gets an annual pay increases from his federal contracted job. The next 2 years I will not receive any increases. The only increase will be in expenses. My medical insurance alone costs over $400.00 per month. He reminds me of a parent who refuses to pay child support for their children.

It tells you alot about a person. This person who took vows for better or worse sickness and health. Who enjoyed all the benefits for 30 years my income provided and supported him and our family. Now when the table is turned and my income went down 75% I was of no value to him. In fact he pointed this out verbally on many occasions that I was worthless to him.

I can say since the separation and divorce of 2 years I am much happier. People tell me all the time they can see it in my face and I am looking great. I must agree! I feel GREAT! There is physical pain each day due to my medical history, but that is small when looking at the emotional and physical pain I was living with while being married.

Looking back.... I say "Good God Girl What Are You Thinking". I knew I could not fix a broken marriage however I knew I could work and take care of myself. People would say how can you do it all? Then the ones closest to me would say they could see breakdown coming and so glad I woke up.

They would say:
"Good God Girl What Are You Thinking."
"Get Out"
"You Know What You Can Do About It."
"When You Are Ready I Will Still Be Your Friend"

Yes, it has taken 2 years to recover from the divorce to a abusive, alcoholic and unfaithful spouse with a hidden life style. While at the same time fighting breast cancer having a double mastectomy with reconstruction. Emotionally and physically I am a better person and I even love myself.

Each time I happen to be in the same room either at a family function etc. I chuckle inside I can see he is so negative and very good at malupation. Of course this is what an addicate does. Each time I get smarter and now being removed from all of it the air is much clearer.

There is not a day without physical muscle pain. Each day I look in the mirror I see the scars from when they cut into my body. But they never cut into my soul. Melissa Etheridge says it correctly "I Run For Life" The physical and mental scars are fading away. The darkness can be anything in your lives including divorce, death, breast cancer, and more.


Melissa Etheridge - I Run For Life:
Melissa Etheridge Lyrics I Run For Life
Lyrics Artist: Melissa Etheridge
Song: I Run For Life
Album: Greatest Hits The Road Less Traveled 2005

It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete

[Chorus:]
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning the lesson
To waken when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all

[Chorus]

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more

Ex Husbands What Are They Good For

Ex-Husbands - What Are They Good For? Absolutely Everything! By Connie Ragen Green

Connie Ragen Green will teach you how to write articles, blog posts, and eBooks to increase your web presence and build an online business.

After a divorce both the man and the woman are usually angry, hurt, and disappointed. They feel that the other person wasted their time and is not good for anything anymore. They just want to be out of each others lives. It doesn’t have to be that way. If you can get past what caused the marriage to fail you may see that the other person is a trusted confidant and good for absolutely everything.

My ex-husband is a wonderful man. We made every attempt to work together as a couple but finally we both realized that we were too far apart on important issues for us to stay together. We had an amicable divorce and went our separate ways. We had no children together but I remained close to his adult son and granddaughter. We would see each other on occasion and we both made sure that bank accounts, income taxes, and other matters were taken care of in a timely manner. I felt bad that I had been unable to make this relationship work but glad that we were still civil to each other.

About three years later I was injured at work. I was incapacitated for several months and needed help with shopping, errands, and my dogs. It was my ex who offered to help me during this time and I truly appreciated it. By then we were not angry any longer and had both moved on emotionally. We were able to enjoy each other as friends. I trusted him with my finances and knew that he would take good care of the dogs. He was purchasing a truck for his business and I was able to offer him some helpful advice. We had moved past the divorce and into a new phase for our relationship.

Many people I know think that it is strange to remain friends with someone you were once married to. Others think it shows great maturity. We are not concerned with what anyone else thinks. We just know that it is good to have a trusted, special friend in your life. Part of it feels good because we both see that we are good people, just not good together as husband and wife. If you have the opportunity to stay friends with your ex I would highly recommend it.

Connie Ragen Green is a speaker and author living in southern California. Visit her at http://www.SmallBusinessUnMarketing.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Connie_Ragen_Green

1st Wives Club - Ex-Husbands

Divorce Quotes and Laughs

Marriage is about love; divorce is about money”