Unreal!!! Yesterday I had the next step of my masectomy reconstruction. My daughter and grandkids where with me. My ex had the nerve to call my daughter and ask for money when yesterday was his payday. This is a man that makes over 55K per year and stil cannot manage his money. That is sure a red flag that his addictions are out of control and he has put them before anyone other then his own needs. He has even taken the step to ask me to take a reduced amount on spouse support. I was just approved this week for SSDI and have a very limted income of less than half of his.
This really insures me I made the correct decesion to divorce him. Sad thing my daughter is now hs whipping post. She is learning though and why I did what I did by getting rid of him.
All the best to my readers.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Exs and Fathers Day
As today I sit on my sofa alone on the holiday in honor of the father of my children. I wonder how his day is going with our daughter's and grandchildren visit. This is the 2nd Fathers Day since our split. When just the week before he had called me to give me grief and complaints about being at the cabin with the kids and grandchildren the week before. I had gone so far as to include him if he cared to join as well which he declined.
This is another example of why I choose to divorce him. He wants to have control over my time where I go,shop, spend my time etc. it always takes 2 people to argue and heard the voice in my head say not to comment to him or reply to his mean words and drunkenness on the telephone. In responding to these threats I was in control of my life and reactions and choose not to partake in this manner of discussion and allowing him to treat me like a door mat. When I did not react in the manner he wanted me to he soon ended the conversation.
I did send a general card to him on this holiday. For after 30 plus years there is a past and I believe to empower me and lead by example in front of my daughters and families and teach the grandchildren that there is general respect we should treat everyone in the world foreign or domestic. By this manner I lifted myself up to the higher place in my own self esteem.
This feeling I have right now is empathy not resentment. I have moved and crossed over and not allowed him to have any control over me. I broke the cycle which means I cannot change him into the person I wanted hime to be but I have change myself into the person I want to be and stand for.
This is the best gift I can give to myself on this day.
,
This is another example of why I choose to divorce him. He wants to have control over my time where I go,shop, spend my time etc. it always takes 2 people to argue and heard the voice in my head say not to comment to him or reply to his mean words and drunkenness on the telephone. In responding to these threats I was in control of my life and reactions and choose not to partake in this manner of discussion and allowing him to treat me like a door mat. When I did not react in the manner he wanted me to he soon ended the conversation.
I did send a general card to him on this holiday. For after 30 plus years there is a past and I believe to empower me and lead by example in front of my daughters and families and teach the grandchildren that there is general respect we should treat everyone in the world foreign or domestic. By this manner I lifted myself up to the higher place in my own self esteem.
This feeling I have right now is empathy not resentment. I have moved and crossed over and not allowed him to have any control over me. I broke the cycle which means I cannot change him into the person I wanted hime to be but I have change myself into the person I want to be and stand for.
This is the best gift I can give to myself on this day.
,
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Alone
To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone.
Work At Home Divas Online - Great Shopping and coupons
Work At Home Divas Online - Great Shopping and coupons
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and problems. However, there comes a time when harmless bickering (which at times can be a sign of a healthy relationship) crosses a line and becomes abuse. One of the most confusing factors for a man or woman to determine, is whether or not they are in an abusive situation. This is especially difficult because it is common in abusive relationships for the abuser to gain power and control over his or her victim and make them believe that their relationship is normal. Combine this with the fact that many abusers blame their victims and are masters at making them believe that they are the ones at fault.
Abusive relationships are more than just fights that resemble scenes of domestic violence and battery depicted on Hollywood movie screens. If you are in a relationship that robs your sense of self-esteem due to constantly being put down or being spoke to in a continually verbally degrading manner, then you are being emotionally and verbally abused. It is important to realize that verbal and emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, and often it might be harder to recover from. Since all cases of abuse damage the emotions, it is easier for a body to heal than it is to heal a wounded spirit, broken heart, and bruised self-esteem.
Understanding the nature of domestic abuse and domestic violence are the first steps in determining whether or not you are in an abusive relationship. Domestic abuse involves one partner using tactics such as guilt, fear, shame, or intimidation to try and gain power or control over the other person. Often the abuser attempts to isolate the partner from friends and family members as this helps them to gain more control. If they can isolate the person and cause them to become completely dependent upon their abuser, they can continue to abuse without fear that someone will discover what they are doing.
The difference between domestic abuse and domestic violence, is violence or physical assault. Once the fear, threats, and intimidation take on a physical nature it is domestic violence. Though society often pictures women as being the sole victim of domestic abuse or domestic violence, it is important to realize that abusive relationships have no gender or sexual preference. Same sex relationships as well as men and women can all be the victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence.
The main purpose of domestic abuse and domestic violence is to gain power and control over their victims. Though this is not an all inclusive list, the following are some signs that you might be in an abusive relationship. Ask yourself if your partner often humiliates, criticizes, or yells at you. Also, if you feel that he or she views you as a sex object or as his or her property and not your own person, than you are in an abusive relationship. These behaviors can translate into victims who feel afraid to discuss certain topics with their partner, or feel that they can never do anything right. If you are afraid of your partner or believe that you are in an abusive relationship, then you must get help. Contact your local community crisis center and explain your situation. They will be able to point you in the right direction and help you get the help you need.
Author: Marcia Chumbley
Article Source: First Wives Club - 1st Wives Club
Abusive relationships are more than just fights that resemble scenes of domestic violence and battery depicted on Hollywood movie screens. If you are in a relationship that robs your sense of self-esteem due to constantly being put down or being spoke to in a continually verbally degrading manner, then you are being emotionally and verbally abused. It is important to realize that verbal and emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, and often it might be harder to recover from. Since all cases of abuse damage the emotions, it is easier for a body to heal than it is to heal a wounded spirit, broken heart, and bruised self-esteem.
Understanding the nature of domestic abuse and domestic violence are the first steps in determining whether or not you are in an abusive relationship. Domestic abuse involves one partner using tactics such as guilt, fear, shame, or intimidation to try and gain power or control over the other person. Often the abuser attempts to isolate the partner from friends and family members as this helps them to gain more control. If they can isolate the person and cause them to become completely dependent upon their abuser, they can continue to abuse without fear that someone will discover what they are doing.
The difference between domestic abuse and domestic violence, is violence or physical assault. Once the fear, threats, and intimidation take on a physical nature it is domestic violence. Though society often pictures women as being the sole victim of domestic abuse or domestic violence, it is important to realize that abusive relationships have no gender or sexual preference. Same sex relationships as well as men and women can all be the victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence.
The main purpose of domestic abuse and domestic violence is to gain power and control over their victims. Though this is not an all inclusive list, the following are some signs that you might be in an abusive relationship. Ask yourself if your partner often humiliates, criticizes, or yells at you. Also, if you feel that he or she views you as a sex object or as his or her property and not your own person, than you are in an abusive relationship. These behaviors can translate into victims who feel afraid to discuss certain topics with their partner, or feel that they can never do anything right. If you are afraid of your partner or believe that you are in an abusive relationship, then you must get help. Contact your local community crisis center and explain your situation. They will be able to point you in the right direction and help you get the help you need.
Author: Marcia Chumbley
Article Source: First Wives Club - 1st Wives Club
Thursday, May 14, 2009
1st Wives Club
Welcome to the 1st Wives Club.
This blog was started for other divorce women like myself who have found themsleves suddenly single, middle age or a new single mom. We all have fallen into the 1st wives club. Let us share , listen and give support to each other.
This blog was started for other divorce women like myself who have found themsleves suddenly single, middle age or a new single mom. We all have fallen into the 1st wives club. Let us share , listen and give support to each other.
Dating and the Single Parent
Dating can be difficult enough, without figuring children into the equation. For many single parents, however, dating is extra tough because they must protect their children’s interests and emotional well being. Due to the emotional nature of children, single parents often find it extremely difficult to date.
One of the most important things that parents must take into consideration is balancing their time with their children’s needs. For single parents whose children spend weekends with the other parent, dating is a bit easier. The single parent can schedule dates for weekends, typically every other weekend when the child is visiting the other parent. This avoids much of the stress that children can experience when they realize that their parent is dating. It is also a good way to screen potential relationships without worrying that your children might become emotionally involved. For many single parents, they can date on these weekends without their children being aware that they are going out.
For other parents, however, the other parent isn’t in the picture and children are very close to the care giving parent. These parents must be more careful regarding dating and keeping a fine line drawn between their dating life and their children.
The most difficult thing to determine is when your children will be ready to meet your new partner. You don’t want to make the mistake of having your children meet your new partner, and then become emotionally attached to him or her, only to have the relationship come to a sudden end. A very important fact to remember is that your child has already experienced some degree of loss due to one parent being absent. This must be considered and recognized, especially before introducing your children to a number of different partners who will not be a permanent fixture in your child’s life.
Knowing when to introduce your children to your partner can be difficult to determine. It’s best to err on the side of caution and wait until you are certain that you and your partner will be involved in a long term relationship. Once you are sure that you are ready for your children to meet your partner, you’ll need to determine the best way to handle the introduction.
Preparing your children to meet your new partner is only half the battle. You’ll also need to make sure that your partner is prepared for meeting your children. Acknowledging the fact that your children and your partner might not hit it off right away can save you some aggravation and frustration as well. Speak to your partner about the possibility that there might be issues, and determine a plan or strategy of how you two will handle any confrontations or situations that may arise.
Ensuring that your partner is fully aware that you have children and is open to the role that places him or her in, will make certain that you are a united front. Many children resist the idea of a new partner in their parent’s life. However, with time and patience, together you and your partner can create an environment that your child will be open to. The important thing is not to rush your child, and not to have your partner overstep his or her bounds. Your children need time to adjust to a new partner, and time and patience is key to making that adjustment work.
Source: Work At Home Moms Choices - WAHM Choices
Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work From Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com . Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing resources, inspiration and affordable advertising while balancing the work at home experience. Also see: Work At Home Divas Online Http://www.workathomedivasonline.com
One of the most important things that parents must take into consideration is balancing their time with their children’s needs. For single parents whose children spend weekends with the other parent, dating is a bit easier. The single parent can schedule dates for weekends, typically every other weekend when the child is visiting the other parent. This avoids much of the stress that children can experience when they realize that their parent is dating. It is also a good way to screen potential relationships without worrying that your children might become emotionally involved. For many single parents, they can date on these weekends without their children being aware that they are going out.
For other parents, however, the other parent isn’t in the picture and children are very close to the care giving parent. These parents must be more careful regarding dating and keeping a fine line drawn between their dating life and their children.
The most difficult thing to determine is when your children will be ready to meet your new partner. You don’t want to make the mistake of having your children meet your new partner, and then become emotionally attached to him or her, only to have the relationship come to a sudden end. A very important fact to remember is that your child has already experienced some degree of loss due to one parent being absent. This must be considered and recognized, especially before introducing your children to a number of different partners who will not be a permanent fixture in your child’s life.
Knowing when to introduce your children to your partner can be difficult to determine. It’s best to err on the side of caution and wait until you are certain that you and your partner will be involved in a long term relationship. Once you are sure that you are ready for your children to meet your partner, you’ll need to determine the best way to handle the introduction.
Preparing your children to meet your new partner is only half the battle. You’ll also need to make sure that your partner is prepared for meeting your children. Acknowledging the fact that your children and your partner might not hit it off right away can save you some aggravation and frustration as well. Speak to your partner about the possibility that there might be issues, and determine a plan or strategy of how you two will handle any confrontations or situations that may arise.
Ensuring that your partner is fully aware that you have children and is open to the role that places him or her in, will make certain that you are a united front. Many children resist the idea of a new partner in their parent’s life. However, with time and patience, together you and your partner can create an environment that your child will be open to. The important thing is not to rush your child, and not to have your partner overstep his or her bounds. Your children need time to adjust to a new partner, and time and patience is key to making that adjustment work.
Source: Work At Home Moms Choices - WAHM Choices
Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work From Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com . Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing resources, inspiration and affordable advertising while balancing the work at home experience. Also see: Work At Home Divas Online Http://www.workathomedivasonline.com
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Divorce Quotes - Heart By Pass Surgery
“Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary by-pass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it.” - Mary Kay Blakely
Friday, May 8, 2009
Divorce Quotes Ruth Graham
They asked her (Ruth Graham) did she ever think about divorce and she said, 'No, I've never thought of divorce in all these 35 years of marriage, but,' she said, 'I did think of murder a few times” - Billy Graham
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Divorce Quotes
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
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