Post Divorce - Recognizing and Dealing With Untrue Accusations

Shelley Grieser - I am a Christian Life Coach specializing in Broken Marriages/Divorce. I work with people all across the country who are on their journey of recovery from divorce, to empower them to create a future they truly desire.

Going through a divorce is extremely painful. As I walk alongside a good friend of mine who is currently going through a divorce, I am reminded of the additional pain often experienced by hurtful words spoken or exchanged between spouses.

Amazing isn't it when you are on the outside of the situation you can see it so clearly. But when you are in the middle of the situation, on the receiving end of the hurtful words, you can find yourself deeply offended, even when you know the accusations are not true.

For example, my friend's husband has told her on more than one occasion that she is "a worthless human being." My friend is far from worthless. She is a very kind, caring and giving person. Also, she is a hard worker who has helped me with numerous projects around my home through the years. My friend knows she is not a worthless human being, yet to have her husband say that to her is heart breaking.

If you have been through a divorce, maybe you discovered that spouses can say some pretty mean things. For some people, if you reflect back you may realize your spouse had developed a habit of putting you down, with negative, demeaning comments. Over time you can easily start to believe the things that are said to you or about you, even when they are not true

I will never forget during my divorce when my husband and I were meeting with the mediator for our children. We were discussing one of the details for our parenting agreement and my soon to be ex-husband made some demeaning, derogatory comment to me. The mediator very sternly let him know that he was out of line and not to speak to me in that manner. She told him he was being disrespectful and his behavior was unacceptable.

For me, that was a real wake up call. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow! Maybe it's not just me. Someone else believes the way he treats me is disrespectful and unacceptable." It gave me a sense of validation for my feelings.

Since that day, my ex-husband continues to make belittling, critical comments to me in emails and/or in person. Although we have a fairly amicable relationship, the negative comments are still made. I am happy to say that after years of being treated this way, I have learned to brush it off more quickly.

If you experienced damaging, hurtful comments in your marriage, during your divorce or in your present relationship with your former spouse, are you aware of the false accusations? You may be so use to hearing them that you accept them as truth. Recognizing the lies and determining the truth may require help. You may want to speak with a good counselor, therapist, coach or trusted friend to help you sort through the comments made by your former spouse.

Here are a few suggestions for combating false accusations:

Recognize the untrue messages as false accusations.

Don't believe them. Don't allow your former spouse to push your buttons. When the words no longer elicit a response from you, they lose their power.

Replace the lie with a statement of truth. For example let's take my friend's situation. The next time her soon to be ex husband tells her she is a worthless human being, she can stop and say to herself; I am a worthwhile and valuable person. My friends and family love me and care about me.

Be patient with yourself. Realize it can take time to reprogram your response.

Don't take it personally. Understand if your former spouse feels guilty, jealous, angry or insecure about themselves they may speak critically of you to make themselves feel better.

Don't retaliate with the same behavior. Do not repay evil for evil.

If you need to vent, talk to a trusted friend. It is nice to have an understanding friend(s) that will listen to you and let you vent or talk through a situation when needed.

Make the decision to no longer believe the lies. It really does not matter what your former spouse thinks of you or says about you. I know hearing the words can be extremely hurtful and painful. Yet, you know the truth. Be the bigger person and do not partake in the verbal mudslinging.

Copyright 2009 Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

Do you dread communicating with your former spouse? Do you cringe every time you have to be in their presence, fearing what snide remark they will throw your way? Do you wonder how you will survive the next number of years having to communicate with your former spouse? If you are interested in reading more about divorce recovery, transitioning from married to single, and rebuilding your life after divorce, then please visit me at: http://www.ahopefilledfuture.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shelley_Grieser

1st Wives Club - Post Divorce

Ex Husbands What Are They Good For

Ex-Husbands - What Are They Good For? Absolutely Everything! By Connie Ragen Green

Connie Ragen Green will teach you how to write articles, blog posts, and eBooks to increase your web presence and build an online business.

After a divorce both the man and the woman are usually angry, hurt, and disappointed. They feel that the other person wasted their time and is not good for anything anymore. They just want to be out of each others lives. It doesn’t have to be that way. If you can get past what caused the marriage to fail you may see that the other person is a trusted confidant and good for absolutely everything.

My ex-husband is a wonderful man. We made every attempt to work together as a couple but finally we both realized that we were too far apart on important issues for us to stay together. We had an amicable divorce and went our separate ways. We had no children together but I remained close to his adult son and granddaughter. We would see each other on occasion and we both made sure that bank accounts, income taxes, and other matters were taken care of in a timely manner. I felt bad that I had been unable to make this relationship work but glad that we were still civil to each other.

About three years later I was injured at work. I was incapacitated for several months and needed help with shopping, errands, and my dogs. It was my ex who offered to help me during this time and I truly appreciated it. By then we were not angry any longer and had both moved on emotionally. We were able to enjoy each other as friends. I trusted him with my finances and knew that he would take good care of the dogs. He was purchasing a truck for his business and I was able to offer him some helpful advice. We had moved past the divorce and into a new phase for our relationship.

Many people I know think that it is strange to remain friends with someone you were once married to. Others think it shows great maturity. We are not concerned with what anyone else thinks. We just know that it is good to have a trusted, special friend in your life. Part of it feels good because we both see that we are good people, just not good together as husband and wife. If you have the opportunity to stay friends with your ex I would highly recommend it.

Connie Ragen Green is a speaker and author living in southern California. Visit her at http://www.SmallBusinessUnMarketing.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Connie_Ragen_Green

1st Wives Club - Ex-Husbands

Scorned Spouses - Ex-Wives Club

Scorned spouses get revenge in "Ex-Wives Club"
By Barry Garron Reuters


LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Been abused by your ex? Cheated on? Belittled and marginalized? Then pull up a chair because "Ex-Wives Club" is for you, you and you.

Read More Reuters

Scorned Wives

Jenny Sanford

When Gov. Mark Sanford admitted to cheating, his wife stood in the spotlight — but not by him.

There's a slew of philandering politicians, and their wives are in the spotlight. Do they stand by their men, or do they feed them to the media wolves? Bing digs into details.
Nowhere in sight: Jenny Sanford is changing the rules. She refused to stand by cheating husband Gov. Mark Sanford, issuing her own terse statement about the ugly mess. (Don't know what he did? Bing does.) You can watch his confessions or her comment while driving with the kids.

Jenny's fans are applauding. The pundits are weighing in on scorned wives' reactions. The list of embarrassed wives is so long, you might want to start with a search listing the tawdry deeds. Read More

Step Wives

Book overview
Stepwives: (n) (1) ex-wife and current wife to the same man, mother and stepmother to the same children; (2) women destined to battle for the love and control of their families...until now!
Lynne and Louise were stepwives for ten years. While they managed a barely civil relationship, each was seething with anger on the inside. It all boiled over in an ugly scene on the day Lynne saw that Louise was wearing shoes identical to her own favorite pair, and then they knew they had to find a new way of being a family.

With the guidance of marriage and family therapist Marjorie Vego Krausz, Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn developed a ten-step program that has helped thousands of women begin to go from sworn enemies to CoMamas. You don't have to follow the program together with your stepwife; even if only one of you follows the plan, your stepwife relationship and the happiness of your family will improve. Learn how to:



Establish a good working relationship with your stepwife

Put the children first

Understand your husband's/ex-husband's role and how he can help

Handle vacations, holidays, and other big occasions

Packed with quizzes, lists, and other helpful tools, Stepwives can show you how to step into her shoes and have a peaceful, cooperative relationship with your stepwife.


Oxhorn-Ringwood and Oxhorn present a refreshing approach to solving the problems of parenting after divorce. Once bitter enemies (Louise married Lynne's ex-husband), the authors, with the assistance of psychologist Krausz, created a ten-step program called CoMamas to help ex-wives and stepmothers build a healthy relationship that puts children first. They have coined the term stepwives to apply to ...

More women who are the ex-wife and current wife to the same man and parent or stepparent to the same children. Based on the authors' own experiences and illustrated with quotes from their diaries, the book offers practical suggestions for developing empathy and learning to lessen tension and support the children caught in a divorce. While their suggestions are commonsensical (e.g., the mother should refrain from calling when the child is with the stepmother), their sense of optimism and cooperative approach are highly unique. Resources and suggested readings are appended. Recommended. Kay Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD

Stepwives By Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood, Louise Oxhorn, Marjorie Vego Krausz

Scorned

Political Wives Amid Scandal
Carrying on after their husbands have made headlines

Scorned: A User’s Manual
The gospel according to Hillary, Elizabeth, and Jenny.

Newsweek

At some point, after Gov. Mark Sanford launched into his weepy press-conference apology and before I read his loving e-mail ode to his mistress's tan lines, I realized that I was in the presence of a media genius. I'm talking about Jenny Sanford, of course, who deftly transformed her public humiliation into a weapon—and beat her cheating husband about the head with it. While quoting Psalms!

In retrospect, her early comments on the governor's "disappearance" were brilliant. The first lady had known about her husband's affair for months and had given him the boot two weeks earlier. But when reporters were frantically asking, "Where is South Carolina's governor?" the mother of four boys fanned the mystery by telling the Associated Press that she hadn't heard from him in several days. Not even on Father's Day—a line Tina Brown likened to "a sharp, small kick in the groin."

Then, while Sanford's kooky mea culpa was still echoing in the rotunda of the South Carolina Statehouse, she released her own razor-sharp statement. She said she still loves her man and that she remains willing to forgive him and welcome him back. She quoted Psalm 127, that "sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him."

When I first heard it, I felt a stab of disappointment—yet another political wife scorned, somehow willing to put on a pastel suit and sob quietly in the background as her husband explains all the very good reasons why he had boinked a dear (tan) old friend, had an affair with a man, or spent good money on a tacky hooker. All of those wives have my sympathy: Suzanne Craig, wife of former senator Larry (wide stance) Craig. Dina McGreevey, former wife of former New Jersey governor Jim ("I am a gay American") McGreevey. Silda Wall Spitzer, wife of former New York governor Eliot (Client 9) Spitzer.

But there are a few wronged political wives who get my respect, as well. And I'm beginning to think Jenny Sanford is one of them. On second read, her statement is kind of perfect. It's loving. It's forgiving. It is pious. And she really kicks some butt, if you're willing to read between the lines. She reclaimed the high ground: she "put forth every possible effort to be the best wife during almost 20 years of marriage" (i.e., she did nothing to deserve this). She believes in the sanctity of marriage (he's a cheating bastard). She is ready to forgive completely (because she's a better person than he'll ever be) "as long as he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance" (there will be hell to pay). She says she will continue to focus on raising her sons to be honorable young men (unlike their dirtbag father). She had kept the separation quiet, she said, to protect those four beautiful boys, and because of the separation, she really hadn't a clue about where her husband was.

It is completely possible that she didn't mean any of those things. But what wife (or former wife, in my case) can't imagine what she'd like to say if she found herself in Jenny Sanford's pumps? And I'm guessing she had an inkling that the luv guv wasn't hiking the Appalachian Trail. By letting him hang himself—and look really dopey while doing it—she somehow managed to come out of a god-awful mess with a little bit of dignity. She may even have become the latest member of an elite club no woman wants to join: Scorned political wives who turn victimhood to their own advantage.

Perhaps nobody has risen from the ashes of a political sex scandal quite the way Elizabeth Edwards did. It was a terrible, undeserved public humiliation when her husband, John Edwards, had an affair with a video producer. But then again, she managed to get a book contract and in that book, Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts Facing Life's Adversities, she managed to trash the other woman. She also vented about her husband to Oprah—just as the scandal was beginning to die down. Hillary Clinton, who has been criticized for overlooking her husband's many bimbo eruptions, managed to pull herself together and ride a wave of sympathy into the U.S. Senate.

Even though these women stood by their men in a way I don't fully understand, I feel confident that those men paid a hefty price for their misdeeds. Perhaps it simply reflects that there is a new breed of political wife out there. Elizabeth Edwards and Hillary Clinton were both formidable women long before they were betrayed by famous husbands. Jenny Sanford was a vice president in mergers and acquisitions at investment banking firm Lazard Frères in New York. All of them managed to take lemons, make lemonade, and add a shot of vodka. I can't know what is going on in Jenny Sanford's mind, of course, or if she has been as calculating with the press as I think. But I do know that she's demonstrated a far savvier political instinct for self-preservation and political spin than her husband has.

Article Source: Newsweek

Help Your Ex Husband On His Way.

Help your soon to be exhusband on his way. We are strong women! We can do it!!I just had my 6th surgery in 7 months for my breast reconstruction from my double masectomy. Divorce Decree still processing the final details. Also, 2 weeks ago I received notice for my SSDI approved. With the approval on the first time of appling sure did reduce some of my stress. While reducing stress helps your over all health and is the best for anyone to reduce stress.

Go for a walk today enjoy the summer and nature. Soak up the bit of nature and clear your mind and thoughts. Take care of you!!
Work At Home Moms Choices. WAHM Choices .com

Woman Scorned

Lifetime Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story
Made: 1992
Genre: True Crime Drama
Stars: Meredith Baxter, Stephen Collins, Michelle Johnson
After supporting her lawyer hubby for 16 years, Betty Broderick thought she was entitled to the perfect life - especially now that her spouse was super successful. So, when Dan Broderick asked Betty for a divorce so he could marry a much younger woman, Mrs. Broderick was out for blood! She started off with stalking and vandalism and made her way up to murder! (Be sure to watch the sequel to this true story, "Her Final Fury.") Read and Watch More LifeTime Movies

Remember Ladies we are better than this! Let him go! He is not worth the fight.
1st Wives Club

Find Comfort in the Outdoors

Cut connections to find comfort in the outdoors


Between conference calls, cooking dinner and clipping coupons, women are escaping to the outdoors this summer for an everyday oasis from stress.

In fact, nearly nine in 10 women say they are likely to spend more time outdoors this year compared to last year, with gardening as one of the most popular stress solutions, according to the OFF! Clip-On Mosquito Repellent Survey.

“More and more women tell me that they need to step back from their daily routine and recharge,” says Jennifer Louden, life guide and author of “The Woman’s Comfort Book." "A quiet spot outdoors is the ideal place to get refreshed. You’ll be amazed how energized you feel just spending a little time in nature without any interruptions.”

Louden provides the following tips to create small breaks to find daily peace:

* Start the day right.

Take a few moments for yourself in the morning and think about your goals for the day. Set your alarm clock for five minutes earlier so that you can consider what you want your day to be like instead of letting your mind chatter with a list of tasks.

* Claim an outdoor space.

Find a personal nook, in a park, public garden, beach, sculpture garden or even your own backyard. “To ensure my outdoor breaks aren’t spoiled by mosquitoes, I use OFF! Clip-On Mosquito Repellent, a personal, odorless bug repellent device that clips on to your belt, purse or chair and offers head-to-toe protection from mosquitoes without spraying anything on your skin,” says Louden.

* Let nature relax your mind.

Put petty annoyances aside and focus on the beauty of the natural world, the feeling of the breeze against your skin and the warm sun on your face. Step outside and let nature quiet your mind. Take the time to stop and truly smell the roses.

* Avoid multi-tasking.

Listening to music, walking the dog and taking the kids to the park are things that can prevent you from experiencing real relaxation because you're doing something rather than simply being.

* Focus on your accomplishments.

At the end of the day, instead of dwelling on what you didn’t get done, acknowledge what you accomplished.

Use these easy tips to help you find comfort. For more information about how to protect quiet outdoor moments from mosquitoes, visit www.offprotects.com.

Courtesy of ARA Content



1st Wives Club First Wives Club

Yes You Can’ Afford Plastic Surgery

‘Yes You Can’ Afford Plastic Surgery … Despite the Ugly Economy

With unemployment at an all-time high, it is becoming a necessity for Americans to put their best face forward.  More of us are turning to less costly, non-invasive cosmetic “touch ups” to look competent and feel confident, whether in the workplace, or pounding the pavement.



Recession-driven job losses have put more baby boomers and workers in their 50s back into the job market, and they are competing with people in their 20s and 30s.  Many are looking at improving their appearance as an investment they need to make.  Fortunately, a number of safe, effective and non-invasive anti-aging treatments, offered by trained and board-certified facial plastic surgeons, are now available at competitive costs.



“Patients in today's economy are looking for value: good results but priced fairly,” says Dr. Donn R. Chatham, president of the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS).  “It is also important to trust your face to a facial specialist, one who focuses on the health and appearance of the face."



Six Popular Treatments for Cost-conscious Consumers



1. Botox injections – In use for medical purposes for more than five decades, the FDA approved Botox in 2002 for the temporary improvement of glabellar lines, the vertical lines between eyebrows.  Since its approval, millions have been treated with Botox, and to date, it is still the most requested non-invasive procedure according to the annual survey of the AAFPRS.



2. Cosmetic fillers – Wrinkles not only make you look older, but they can cause others to misread your emotions, especially if the wrinkles are in areas of the face normally associated with frowning or other negative expressions.  Cosmetic fillers like collagen, hyaluronic acid, Restylane, Juvederm, Radiesse, Sculptra, Evolence and others add volume to the skin to soften or eliminate the appearance of wrinkles and provide a more youthful, rejuvenated appearance.



3. Laser treatments – Non-invasive laser procedures can help reduce wrinkles around the eyes and lips, even the surface of the face, and remove blemishes like birthmarks, skin growths, acne, spider veins, warts and even some tattoos.



4. Skin resurfacing/rejuvenation – Chemical peeling and dermabrasion both remove aged, damaged skin cells to create a smoother, younger-looking surface.



5. Minimally invasive surgery – Facial plastic surgeons have developed methods for minimizing the invasiveness of some of the most popular facial surgeries, including face lifts, blepharoplasty (eyelid surgery) and rhinoplasty, reducing pain and recovery times for many patients.



6. Lip augmentation – Several procedures are available to give lips a fuller, plumper, and more youthful look while reducing the appearance of fine lines around the lips.



Americans undergo more than 2 million facial plastic surgery procedures each year.  If you, or a loved one, is considering enhancing your competitive edge in the workplace by improving your appearance, it’s important to find a compassionate, knowledgeable facial plastic surgeon you trust.  The American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery offers helpful resources, including information about different types of surgery, on its Web site, www.facemd.org.  With more than 2,700 members whose practices concentrate on the face, head and neck, the AAFPRS can help you find the right, qualified facial plastic surgeon for your needs.



Courtesy of ARAcontent

Looking Better Helps Cancer Patients

Looking better helps cancer patients feel better

No Matter what type of cancer you have. When you look better you feel better. Having your nails done or new cloths and a massage can make all the difference. Read More Below:




"I never cried when I was told I had breast cancer or had to tell my mother and husband," says Lumb. "I only cried when I started to lose my hair. Cancer has a way of robbing you of your femininity."



Enhancing a woman's self-confidence,by giving her the support and tools she needs to manage her changing appearance during cancer treatment provides renewed hope.  It gives her the strength she needs to face her treatment and recovery with greater confidence. When women look better, they feel better.



A survey by Look Good…Feel Better -- a national public service program that helps women cope with the appearance-related changes of cancer treatment -- and Harris Interactive found that 86 percent of women in treatment credit looking better with feeling better.



"Now we want women to inspire others by sharing their stories," says Louanne Roark, executive director of Look Good…Feel Better. "We know our workshops have had a tremendous impact on women around the country, and we want to share those encouraging stories with other women.”  



The organization, which has helped 650,000 women since it began 20 years ago, is launching a national search to find five women who have been touched by cancer and want to share their stories as a way to help others. These women will be honored as the Women of Hope is Beautiful.



Women affected by cancer can visit www.lookgoodfeelbetter.org to submit their stories of hope, strength and determination.  The organization is encouraging entries -- such as essays, poems, pictures, or videos -- that share a personal story of coping with cancer and the impact of the Look Good…Feel Better program.  The five women selected will receive a trip to New York and a complimentary makeover.  They will also be honored at the organization's annual black-tie gala.



As Lumb explains, "I discovered that I can look as good as I did before I got sick, maybe even better."  To read more about her experience or share your own inspiring story, visit www.lookgoodfeelbetter.org.  



Look Good…Feel Better is a collaboration between the Personal Care Products Council Foundation, the American Cancer Society and the National Cosmetology Association., and is dedicated to improving the lives of women, men and teens undergoing cancer treatment by offering advice on how to cope with the appearance-related side effects of chemotherapy, radiation and other forms of treatment.  



Courtesy of ARAcontent

Men vs Women

Men vs. women -- understanding the bathroom gender divide



- Ever wonder what your significant other is doing behind the shower curtain? Curious as to why women consistently take longer showers than men? Whether the toilet seat is left up or down or the toothpaste cap is left on or off -- the differences between men and women’s bathroom habits are undeniable.  



A recent “Behind the Shower Curtain” study by Water Pik Inc. took a peek at how men and women spend their time in the bathroom, what they value most about their behind-the-curtain experience and the nuances between each gender’s bathroom behaviors. Findings reveal that while a gender divide may exist -- knowledge can be powerful when it comes to conquering bathroom discrepancies between men and women.



The survey’s steamiest findings include:



* If you thought women were notorious for using all the hot water -- think again. On average, men shower only two minutes less than women (14 minutes for women vs. 12 minutes for men).



* While women use shower time to contemplate chores, problems and weight, men spend their shower time thinking about work, sex and day dreams.



* Although it takes two to tango -- more men (66 percent) than women (55 percent) admit to showering with another adult for intimacy.



* Despite a growing number of female do-it-yourselfers, men are more than twice as likely as women to say they have personally changed a showerhead.



* While a relaxing soak in the tub was once in high demand -- only one in 10 women and one in 20 men take baths more often than showers.



Sharing a bathroom with an opposite-gendered counterpart can frequently trigger pet-peeve overload. The survey found that toothpaste gobs in the sink ranks in the top two on the list of pet peeves for women, while hair in the drain ranks similarly high on the list of pet peeves for men.



While men and women spend plenty of time irritated with each other’s bathroom habits -- it seems they can agree on one thing -- low water pressure is the No. 1 bathroom pet peeve amongst both groups. Surprisingly, an overwhelming majority of both men and women also agree that they would rather pay bills than clean the shower.



Though it appears the bathroom gender divide is unavoidable, pet-peeve relief and shower bliss is within reach. Consider the following shower tips for a better behind-the-shower-curtain experience:



* For the men -- Be sensitive to the slightly extended timing of your female counterpart’s showers -- considering she shaves an average of 4.9 minutes per shower and spends more time contemplating her to-do list.



* For the women -- Appreciate your male’s willingness to change the showerhead -- but also keep in mind that changing a showerhead does not require a plumber and takes just minutes of your time.



* Get the water pressure you deserve -- While it might not be so surprising that water pressure is the No. 1 concern in the shower, take time to explore the advanced water technology available today. For instance, the Waterpik brand showerhead line has advanced OptiFLOW technology which delivers up to 30 percent more water force -- even in its low-flow options.



* Upgrade your bathroom for less -- Take small steps with big impact -- such as replacing a showerhead. With a vast array of showerheads, spanning traditional to contemporary design -- changing your showerhead can instantly transform the look and feel of your bathroom, without breaking the bank.



* Create a spa experience in the shower -- While 50 percent of people think it’s a hassle to change modes while showering, it’s easy to elevate your shower experience. Try replacing your showerhead with the Waterpik EasySelect showerhead. It's the first handheld showerhead that features a fingertip five-mode selector in the handle.



For more information visit www.Waterpik.com.



Courtesy of ARAcontent