As today I sit on my sofa alone on the holiday in honor of the father of my children. I wonder how his day is going with our daughter's and grandchildren visit. This is the 2nd Fathers Day since our split. When just the week before he had called me to give me grief and complaints about being at the cabin with the kids and grandchildren the week before. I had gone so far as to include him if he cared to join as well which he declined.
This is another example of why I choose to divorce him. He wants to have control over my time where I go,shop, spend my time etc. it always takes 2 people to argue and heard the voice in my head say not to comment to him or reply to his mean words and drunkenness on the telephone. In responding to these threats I was in control of my life and reactions and choose not to partake in this manner of discussion and allowing him to treat me like a door mat. When I did not react in the manner he wanted me to he soon ended the conversation.
I did send a general card to him on this holiday. For after 30 plus years there is a past and I believe to empower me and lead by example in front of my daughters and families and teach the grandchildren that there is general respect we should treat everyone in the world foreign or domestic. By this manner I lifted myself up to the higher place in my own self esteem.
This feeling I have right now is empathy not resentment. I have moved and crossed over and not allowed him to have any control over me. I broke the cycle which means I cannot change him into the person I wanted hime to be but I have change myself into the person I want to be and stand for.
This is the best gift I can give to myself on this day.
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